Negative People Suck

Most of you know I'm a fan of the absurd, so I've decided to share an email I sent to my KICKBALL team tonight. Please remember the KICKBALL part as you read along and enjoy!

"Good morning, guys! I have a couple things I need to get off my chest if you'll bear with me for a moment. (Geoff, please try to keep reading even though I said chest and bare...)

There is a nasty, negative undercurrent to the team and I'm over it. I do not want to be the captain of a team like that. It's been going on for a couple seasons now, but we had bigger negative contributors, so it didn't seem so bad by comparison. I suspect everyone isn't experiencing it and I'm happy for you if you're not. My every move, thought, and gesture seems to be up for critique however and I'm tired of it.

For the record, I do not have to explain myself to you (I apologize to those of you who are innocent bystanders, but I thought it best to send this to the whole team). But I'll address two things that seem to come up routinely: 1) I get on base more when I kick than when I bunt. As a rule, it's better for people to bunt, but if you know you get on base more by kicking, then flipping kick. I don't really keep track of what everyone does, but some of you seem intent on keeping track of what I do. 2) Those of us who have played softball and/or baseball for much of our lives know a little bit more about how to handle the infield and runners. While it is typically best to get the ball in to the pitcher (and I harp on this each season more for those of you who didn't play softball/baseball), if the runner is already halfway to the base, he will be given the base even if the ball has made it back to the pitcher. It makes far more sense to run down the lead runner and force him back to the base he last passed or try to block his way and tag him. If you don't understand this, feel free to ask me about it.

I would like our team to be supportive of each other during the games. No team has ever done well by snarking on each other, making fun of each other, or making negative comments about each other during the game. No one is perfect and we will all make mistakes. It is far more important to commend each other for trying than to kick someone when they're down. Again, I do not want to be the captain of a team like that. What's worse, is that for me personally when I feel like I'm constantly under attack, I start fighting back. And I do not want to do that or feel that way during every blasted kickball game. We're supposed to be out there having fun with our friends, not snapping at each other.

Speaking of captain, any one of you is more than welcome to step up and be the captain of the team. According to at least two of you, nearly everything I do or say is wrong so you would probably be helping out the whole team by taking over. Just say the word and the job is yours.

If you have any questions, you know where to find me. Otherwise, if you want to continue being negative and making fun of your fellow teammates, I suggest you find another team. If however, the team supports you in this behavior, I will gladly find another one instead. You guys just let me know.

Thanks for your time,
AJ

PS - I've left out the whole arguing calls thing. But let's not forget that according to at least one of you I don't argue enough, I argue too much, I argue the wrong calls, and any number of other things. Honestly, I think you guys really need a new captain! :)"

Something Randy Pausch said keeps running through my head. He was talking about trying to find the good in everyone and said that a friend taught him that everyone will ultimately impress you. If someone hasn't impressed you yet, you haven't given them enough time. So maybe I haven't given the two primary subjects of my email enough time. They both definitely have more positive traits, but unfortunately their negative behavior makes me forget what those traits are. I hope I get through to them. For me, for our team, and ultimately for them.

LOL -- this is all over kickball! Hmm...maybe I can work out some "kickball as a metaphor for life" thing. I'll have to think on it...

Success!

And soreness. But just a little bit, for now. You regular readers know I decided to ride my bike to work this morning. Twelve miles round trip, thankyewverymuch! AND having decided to do it, AND having announced it on my blog (readership is up to approximately 10, so you can imagine the accountability pressure), I actually did it! Yes, I'm very pleased. And sweaty. Annnnnd maybe in need of a frozen bag of peas to sit on. Yes, the chatch is a wee bit sore. But that's what I get for not using it more often.

Dear god, my mother reads this thing.

Anyway, it's not too bad as I'm sitting on an exercise ball at the moment. We'll see how it goes tomorrow at work. I'll have to drive tomorrow for various reasons including 1) I'm taking the dog to doggie daycare tomorrow, 2) I have to go to Costco at lunch to get the monthly Birthday Club birthday cake (really, don't ask), and 3) I have to also swing by the vet to get some more meds for my junkie dog. I'm kind of bummed that I can't ride the bike tomorrow. Again, this is said before I assess any muscle soreness tomorrow (the cadaver in my elbow is already expressing some displeasure). I really enjoyed it though. And it was the perfect form of exercise for me: something fun that causes me to exercise without realizing I'm exercising. My legs got a workout from peddling, my arms got a workout from holding on for dear life, and my reflexes got a nice workout from 30 minutes of split second life-or-death auto-vs-bike assessments. Good stuff!

I also peddled on over to the YMCA near work for a lunchtime run only to discover I had left half my exercise clothes airing out in my locker at work. I was temtped to just take another shower (having showered before work but not after my ride to work) but discovered I forgot my combination lock. Since I've had some things stolen from the Judeo-Christian locker room in the past, I decided leaving my iPod, Garmin, and bike helmet unprotected wasn't such a hot idea. I got a nice lunch from the Y's cafe and headed back to work. All in all, a great day.

I can't wait to see how I feel about it tomorrow! :)

And So It Goes...

Is it Unrequited Love Week and someone forgot to tell me?? I know I have a commemorative t-shirt in here somewhere that I can toss on if it is. I should have a full dinner service, running shorts, and a throw for that matter. I may very well be the unrequited love poster child. Those of you keeping up with my exploits know that I had a wee bit too much wine on Saturday and proclaimed my love for a wholly unsuitable subject (one of those hetero folk). Having the patience of a saint, Lisa has not rejected me as a friend and we spent the better part of the day discussing relationships. Translation: we depressed the hell out of each other about our prospects. Lisa's are much better than mine as she's actively in a relationship at the moment and despite my never-ending amount of charm and adorableness, she's still just not hip to the whole lesbo thing. I told a friend the other day that I'm pretty darn close to just clubbing Lisa over the head and dragging her off to a hypnotist to make her gay, so if you see her please don't spoil the surprise!

Anyhoo, I just turned on American Idol and Paula Abdul picked one of my all time favorite songs for David Archuletta to sing. Unfortunately, he had to do the AI abridged version, so it lost a little something during his performance. Here are the full lyrics:

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

The song brings me right back to a crush of yesteryear on....say it with me....a straight girl. LOL. I have to laugh at my own stupidity because it makes it seem like I'm aware of how ridiculous I am and can control it. But it did occur to me earlier that for nearly every unrequited crush, I actually have dated someone and have been in a couple LTRs. (Though technically, are you allowed to call it an LTR when it ends? What's the time requirement for the L part?) I was pretty much in relationships from the time I moved to Richmond until the Dark Lord dumped me and then there was an uncomfortable diversion for about nine months a year or so ago. So my dry spell has been pretty recent. Which leads me to believe I need to just take a deep breath, do some work on my teeny tiny house, and know that the right chick is out there somewhere. Granted, the odds are very slim she's actually in the Norfolk/Virginia Beach area, but that's a headache for another day. In the meantime, does anyone know a good hypnotist??

PS -- I'm attempting to ride my bike 6 miles to work tomorrow morning (and theoretically 6 miles back in the afternoon unless I take a cab). I have to assume there will be some sort of story about this by the end of the day tomorrow... Wish me luck!

If I overstay my welcome, just tap me on the head...

Not much to chat about today as I played hooky and just hid from the unwelcome cold and wind on this mid-May day. Went looking for an SNL Match Game spoof from this past weekend and while it's cute, realized this SNL bit is still my fave. It's one of the best written and has Christopher Walken, so really what else could one ask for?? Enjoy!

In Vino Veritas

I really shouldn't be allowed to drink. And since I know my teetotaling mother is reading this, I know at least one reader would agree wholeheartedly! My friend Jack and I attended a wine festival yesterday and unfortunately, Jack kept me in wine for much of the afternoon. Oh, how I love red wine, but jaysus it eliminates what little editing power I normally exert over my overactive mouth!

Many of our friends were also there yesterday and I was looking forward to seeing one friend in particular, Lisa, who was attending with her current boyfriend. His name's Grover, so that's why the little blue guy is pictured here. He seems like a nice enough guy and Lisa really cares for him.

I've always been envious of the people in movies (because I can honestly say I've never seen someone pull this off in real life) who when faced with being dumped by the love of their life, walk away with their dignity intact and announce to the Dumper that they love him/her so much that they'd rather he/she find happiness elsewhere. Lord, when I got dumped I threw a three month (some might argue three year) tantrum about the whole thing! There was nothing even remotely classy about how I handled the situation. Picture a colicky baby being stripped of its pacifier...

Anyway, I realized yesterday that Lisa may be the one person on the planet who I really, absolutely, without question care about enough that I truly want her to be happy - even though it will never be with me. We've been friends for about two years now and I've been smitten since the moment we met. OK, that's a lie. I've been smitten since the second moment we met, but that's just a technicality. She's one of my closest friends - if not the closest friend - and I hardly ever see her. Our friendship exists mostly via email, but I tell her things I never tell anyone else and I cherish our friendship. I'm not sure if I play a unique role in her life or if I'm just one of many friends with whom she discusses the trials and tribulations of life. She's young and beautiful and always has a full dance card. She's the four ladies of Sex and the City blended into one person and I'm Carrie's laptop computer.

I'm writing this mess of a blog because I'm worried Lisa will pull back from me again. I never knew that she was actively doing so, but in the past she has said that knowing I had a crush on her made her more reserved with me. I didn't necessarily sense any differences in her behavior, but I know what it's like to keep an unwanted suitor at arm's length. It pains me that she felt she had to do that with me. My friendship with her is somewhat effortless on my end and it bugs me that she would have to edit her words or behavior for fear of.........well, fear of what, I'm not sure. I know that Lisa is 100%, all-American, low-fat, carb-free, Heterosexual®. She is not now, never has been, and never will be interested in me romantically. And I'm okay with that -- as if I had a choice anyway. It doesn't affect how I feel towards her or my ability to be her objective friend or her sounding board for her relationships. I genuinely want her to find her better half and ride off into the sunset littering her path with little bouncing balls of man-woman DNA. And I thought she knew that.

Alas, I have no idea how this topic came up yesterday, but while we were in the ladies' room at Todd Jurich's (is it pronounced Jurich or Yurich, anyone?) Bistro, someone decided to wear her big ol' red-wine-soaked heart on her sleeve. I guess I had convinced Lisa at some point that I no longer had a crush on her. I don't act like I do anymore and I don't tease her like I used to so I guess she figured I had finally moved on. I know it's futile, but I'll always have a crush on her. I just hope she realizes that it doesn't have to affect our friendship. I think lesbo crushes (lushes?) are different than man-woman crushes. Where is the line between close female friendship and a crush? If you remove the sexual attraction, I'd argue that most female friendships are crushes. There's the emotional intimacy and the love and compassion -- and the laughter! What's more intimate than mutual laughter?

Well, I'm clearly rambling here. And I'm not certain what the hell I'm trying to say. I'm just concerned that Lisa won't believe that I can be her friend and "just" her friend despite my feelings. They're not overwhelming, they don't impact how I act when I'm with her or what I say to her. They're just there, tucked away in one of my many layers. I've had other crushes that have interfered with the friendship and made it too difficult for one or both of us. Come to think of it, I've been the target of some that have made the friendship too difficult. So I understand where she's coming from. I just hope that she'll take a leap of faith on this one. But if she doesn't, I'll go quietly because her happiness is too important to me.