Don't Mess With An Only Child's Food!

I started my illustrious college career at Moravian College in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. I spent a year there and acquired a best friend and acne. Both are still with me twenty years later. I was paired with a sophomore roommate who belonged to some godforsaken sorority. I thought it was curious that she was a sophomore and a sorority member, yet was without a roommate and had to take on an incoming freshman. I soon found out why. Missy was something special all right. Among her treats for me that year was her constant rotation of boyfriends who shared our 9 X 4' cell. Most of her boyfriends had later classes and she would shush me if I woke them getting ready in the morning. I'd come back from class (on the few occasions I attended) and would find them still fast asleep in my dark dorm room. If I awakened them, I'd hear about it from my whiny roommate later.

My mother visited sometime in the fall and brought me several goodies from home (because I wasn't gaining enough weight from the constant beer and late night pizzas) including a pumpkin pie from Geiger's. I put it in the fridge and foolishly thought Missy would recognize it as mine and not eat it. I came back to our room and discovered not only had she eaten it, but she'd called several of her sorority sisters over to share it as well. They ate the whole blasted thing.

A month or so later I was doing terribly in school. I had strep the first week of classes, missed most of them and never really recovered. Around finals of the fall semester, I stole my dissected lab rat from the bio lab in an effort to cram back in my dorm room. When I was done with it for the day, I wrapped it up a couple times in plastic and then in aluminum foil and laughed when I realized it looked like half a sub sandwich. I put it in our fridge and as I was leaving the room, Missy arrived. I offhandedly said, "I have half a sub in the fridge, please don't eat it" and she assured me she wouldn't.

I came back a couple hours later and found Missy crying on her side of the room and my rat splayed out on my desk!

I believe that was the last time she tried to eat my food.

Hi Mrs. Schmidt!