The Great Diarrhea Incident of 1999

A fellow blogger posted an item about a room covered in dog feces yesterday, and it reminded me of a special day in the beginning of my relationship with Miss Bodhi, my beagle mix.

I had never had a dog on my own, let alone a puppy, and when the chance arose to get one, I phoned my mother and asked her to talk me out of it. BIG MISTAKE. I should have asked her to encourage me to adopt the dog because then perhaps I would have fought her on it and not done so. Now, I love Bodhi with all my heart, but she has put quite the dent in my freedom over the last nine years. I believe that was one of the points my mother raised in our phone conversation -- the one that resulted in my listing all the reasons why I COULD, nay SHOULD, adopt this dog and she was not going to stop me!!

{sigh}

Anyhoo, a good friend whose family had raised several dogs offered to help out and so I adopted The World's Sweetest Puppy. I had a small plastic dog crate when I first got her and placed her in it when I went to work in the morning. I came home at lunch to let her out and then put her back in the crate for my return to work. Things went all right for the first week or two but then my friend Anne, who was helping me watch Bodhi when I was at my second job, went away on a trip. I had run out of dry food for Bodhi at some point but didn't want to leave her in the crate while I went to the store after work. When I had adopted Bodhi, her "Aunt Louise" had given me a couple cans of wet dog food that Anne had advised not giving her because it was bad for her teeth. Thinking it would be okay to give Bodhi some wet food in this emergency situation, I placed half of a can in her bowl. Well she wolfed that right down. Thinking she was just starving, I then gave her an entire large can, bringing the total to one-and-a-half cans of wet dog food.

Things seemed perfectly fine that evening and the next morning. And then I came home at lunch.

As I approached the door, Bodhi was barking like usual, if not more panicked in retrospect. I walked in the door of my teeny tiny apartment and was immediately overcome by a rich stench. Everything seemed normal until I peered into the crate at my adorable puppy.

{Blink}{Blink}

All I could see in this massive sea of diarrhea were her little white eyeballs. She was COVERED in diarrhea. The interior of her crate was COVERED in diarrhea. It was hanging off the ceiling of the crate like stalactites. I was equally horrified and amused. Bodhi was just horrified. She blinked and barked, barked and blinked. I didn't know what to do with her. I couldn't just open the crate because I'd have a diarrhea-covered dog running around the apartment. I was afraid to jostle the crate too much for fear the poop (which had miraculously stayed on the inside) would start oozing out of the many holes in the crate walls. I finally decided to drag the whole thing into my bathroom, shut the door, and take it from there.

It was easily the most disgusting lunch hour I've ever experienced. I had to hose down the dog and the crate and boil my bath towels. And the apartment smelled lovely for days to come. When Anne returned and I told her about it, she couldn't believe I gave the puppy an entire can of wet dog food. Frankly, I blame her for not warning me. What did I know?? Maybe if she hadn't gone on the trip, this wouldn't have happened. And maybe I wouldn't have tried to pull the puppy's esophagus out of her throat mistaking it for a piece of rawhide on which she was choking... Yes, it's true.

Hmm...maybe this is why she eats my stuff on occasion.


And now, what we've all missed... Your Daily Moment of Schmidt:

Yes, he may have completely backfired on McCain, but damned if The Bullet isn't back at work already. What's it been, two weeks? Bravo, Steve, bravo.

"Meg Whitman May Run for Calif. Governor

Former eBay chief Meg Whitman is mulling a run to replace California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger when he leaves office in two years.

Whitman supported Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign until he dropped out of the race, then joined John McCain’s campaign as a national co-chair. She spoke at this year’s GOP convention, and was mentioned by McCain as a possible Treasury secretary.

The 52-year-old Republican was eBay’s chief executive officer when she stepped down from the post after 10 years at the online shopping company. She remains an eBay director.

New York-born Whitman, who now lives in Atherton, Calif., has hired a Sacramento public relations firm and retained Steve Schmidt, the GOP strategist who ran McCain’s campaign and managed Schwarzenegger’s re-election bid in 2006, the Los Angeles Times reports.

She has never held elected office, but with a net worth of at least $1.4 billion, she could finance her own campaign..." ~Newsmax.com

This is clearly a woman of solid judgement...

Hi Mrs. Schmidt!

Sometimes the Dogs Aren't Lost

So, it seems my friend Gloria is reading my blog and felt it necessary to comment on an inaccuracy she spotted in my "Mittens on Kittens..." blog. Uh, there was this one time...

My friend Anne and I were walking my dog, Bodhi, around the neighborhood. As is very common whenever I'm out and about, I spotted a loose dog. It was one of those white furballs that can be mistaken for a mop head with eyes. I approached it slowly because I didn't want to frighten it and wasn't sure of its temperament. I got within 3 feet of it and everything seemed to be going okay. At approximately 2 feet, 11 inches however, the little bastard began barking its head off at me and backing away in sheer terror. You would think I was going after him with a meat cleaver. He just kept backing away and looking over his shoulder as if he was desperately looking for someone to help him escape this crazy woman. Barking and backing, backing and barking, he heads right into the path of a moving car! Anne screams, the driver slams on the brakes, and I keep terrorizing the little dog by trying to SAVE ITS LIFE! After almost getting flattened, he finally turned around and started running as fast as his little legs would take him towards a house on the corner. He seemed like he belonged there and I could see that their gate was open -- that must be how he got out. He climbed the front steps and sat at the door. I rang the doorbell and a teenager came to the door.

"Is this your dog?" I asked.

"Uh....yeah," she answered in that charming teenager way, indicating that I was a complete moron.

"I found him about a block away. Your gate's open," I scolded.

She looked at me like I had four heads and just pointed over at the fenced in yard. I looked over and realized the "fenced in yard" was only fenced on two sides. The whole freaking back yard was wide open, in addition to the gate. So I don't know if the dog got out of the house or if it normally just walks all over the damn neighborhood. I clearly rescued a dog who didn't need rescuing. And nearly got him run over by a car in the process. You're welcome.

Anne had pretty much dissolved into laughter at that point. For you see, that was my second botched attempt at being a Good Samaritan in oh, let's see, about 15 minutes. Shortly before the "stray" dog incident, I spotted two young girls going door to door, seemingly selling something for school. Nothing strange there, but then I noticed a sketchy looking man driving about 5 or 6 houses behind, staring at the girls. Something seemed wrong and I started following the girls as well. I believe Anne was rolling her eyes at this point. Bodhi was just happy to be going on a walk.

We followed for a while and creepy man just kept coming. Finally, I decided to say something to the girls because we were following them farther and farther from our normal dog walking path. As I approached, the man got anxious and started getting closer. I shot him a dirty look and got the girls' attention. "Do you know that man? He's been following you for a while." In a nice bit of foreshadowing, both girls looked at me in disgust and one said, "Uh...yeah, he's her DAD."

Some days, it just doesn't pay to help! :)

Mittens on kittens and whiskers on raindrops

The following make me warm & fuzzy inside (this is an incomplete list):

1. Smiling at children, especially if they're on their early morning death march to school.
2. Stopping my car to let pedestrians cross or allow cars in front of me. Yes, sorry, I'm THAT person. :)
3. Yelling "Woo-Hoo!" at Starbucks when they announce my drink is up. NEVER fails to get a smile from the barista.
4. Instilling enthusiasm in the mundane. See #3.
5. Squealing at puppies in a high-pitched voice. I don't know what I'm saying to them, but boy does it get them excited!
6. Singing at the top of my lungs in the car, making eye contact with someone who's watching me, laughing, and then singing even more fervently.
7. Giving a struggling runner the "thumbs up" sign as I drive by.
8. Responding to a cashier or waiter's requisite, "How are you today?" with a genuine, "Fine, thanks! How are you??" They always seem shocked and snap out of their work-induced comas. And they always seem thankful that someone's actually interested.
9. Saying "please," "thank you," and "May I...?"
10. Helping old people find their cars in crowded parking lots. I actually spent upwards of an hour doing this one day. But I know that will be me someday (sooner than later, thanks to all the damn concussions!) and I'm hopeful some youngster will take pity on me.
11. Being the unofficial Keeper of the Strays. I don't know who finds whom -- whether I find the lost/escaped dogs or they find me. But it's a slow week or so if I don't find myself with someone else's dog. Again, I do it because I'm fearful for the dog's safety and because I would hope someone would help Bodhi if she ever needed it.

It really does take a village, folks. Look out for each other. All it takes is something simple. Try some of them out. You'll be surprised how wonderful they make you feel. And hopefully, the people you've touched will pass it along.

And now, it's time for 30 Rock and Grey's. I bid you Adieu!