The Return of ER on Thursdays

And just when I thought I'd have nothing to write about today....

I was on my way to our very late kickball game tonight when one of my friend's teammates called to say she was in the emergency room. Caller failed to mention WHY my friend was in the emergency room, so I quickly went through the various kickball-related injuries I could think of. Unfortunately, I was on my scooter and had to run home, ditch it, grab the car, and then blow through any number of stop signs on my way to the ER.

Well, Friend dislocated her right shoulder. She had injured it slightly during her game and for some unknown reason, one of her teammates high-fived her as if he was knocking down a tree and popped her damn shoulder out!!

After some nice drugs, two rounds of x-rays, and several hours in the ER, we're home at last. Her boyfriend and I are hovering off-and-on and she's trying to be a good patient, while also asserting her independence, albeit an independence soaked in pain killers.

I was pretty damn impressed with her doctor, though. He bypassed the old "tie a sheet around the victim and pull with all your might" routine and gently finessed her shoulder back into place. I'm pretty sure she'll survive.

As for me, I'm exhausted and mildly worried and fighting my natural tendency to take care of her. Between her self-reliance and her boyfriend's presence, I'm not entirely sure why I'm here. Except that I know I'm supposed to be and I can't imagine being anywhere else. You know me, it's always complicated! :)

Until tomorrow, my friends. Be well and watch out for large kickballers attempting to high-five you -- they can be dangerous!

Communal Shower Roulette

Dang it!! Just when I begin to forget that God's got a wicked sense of humor...

I go cruising into the shower at the Y this afternoon and discover I'm not the first one in this time. AND there's someone standing in the middle of the warm wall o' three! (See Communal Shower Etiquette Lesson #1 for clarification).

So where do I have to go? To my usual spot, but right next to her. So now I'm the inconsiderate biznatch who takes the shower head right next to the other person. Curses, foiled again!!

I'm sure you're all finding these shower updates absolutely fascinating...

Volvo Day

Very quickly, let's continue where we left off last night. And just for the record, even though this is a continuation of a thought, it counts as today's blog post. Let's not forget that I'm not just being productive this month -- I'm actually embroiled in October's NaBloPoMo, even though I abandoned the theme of "haunted" quite a few blog posts ago....

So the afternoon was fairly quiet. I'd elaborate more on work, but I'm not allowed to... This should make for an excellent stand-up career if I ever start putting stuff together:

Work? Interesting, great stories, some incredibly stupid/funny people... Can't talk about it.

Relationship? Not in one.

Children? Nope.

Huh.

You see why I'm stuck, don't you?? :)

OK, let's get back on topic, shall we? (As if this little detour was your fault...)

I had to hit Walgreens after work yesterday to pick up a prescription. I took the Vespa on a bike path leading from work, cut through West Ghent, and got spit out a couple blocks from Walgreens. On my way there, a Volvo ran a stop sign and cut me off. As I approached Walgreens, he got stuck waiting for a light and I was pulling up next to him to make the left into the Walgreens parking lot. It was then that I noticed he was digging in his left nostril. Fortunately, his window was open and I was on my scooter, so I was able to yell,

"Thaaaat's right. Run that stop sign! Pick that nose! GIT IT!!" as I turned into the parking lot.

I'm not sure why that brought me so much pleasure, but it did.

I pulled around to the drive-thru. There were two cars in the left lane and none in the right, so I pulled in to the empty lane. The first car on my left pulled away at that moment and the guy who had been waiting pulled up in front of the window. And we sat. I thought for a second they might try to help me first and I was going to tell them that window guy was here first. But I didn't get the chance. We just sat. And sat. And sat some more. We looked at each other. I checked Facebook on my beloved Mildred. We looked at each other again. And sat.

I considered going inside, but I had gotten in a fight with one of the cashier's the last time I brought my backpack in with me and didn't want to go through that again.

After what seemed like 5-10 minutes, someone finally appeared at the window and offered help to dude-man. I heard him say his name and then after a minute or two, the pharmacy worker asked if he had a new insurance card. And that's when he said, "No. It's my Cialis. It's not covered."

I must be five. There's no other reason to explain why knowing he was picking up a prescription for a male enhancement drug would tickle me so. But it did. Maybe it was knowing that he knew that I heard. I don't know. It's just stupid. I'd probably giggle if I had to buy condoms...

And I'm ok with that. More laughter, people. That's my prescription for every day.

So I finally get helped at Walgreens and leave. I'm now making a left at the very same traffic light Nose Picker was sitting at earlier. And I hear, "Excuse me, Ma'am?" from my right.

I've become accustomed to people asking me about the scooter, so I turned and smiled and saw an older woman in a 1970s Volvo (because Volvos outlive their owners 10-1). I was expecting a question, but instead got, "Turn your lights on!"

"I'm sorry?"
"Turn your lights on! You should turn your lights on so people can see you better. I took a class once."
"My lights are on. I can't turn them off."
"Oh. I couldn't see them."

Fortunately, I got the green arrow at that point and was able to turn. I really don't know where we would have gone from there.

Have a great day!

Et Tu, Nekkid Woman?

The dog is asleep in my lap (dreaming and therefore twitching wildly) so it's going to be another short, literally phoned-in blog post tonight!

Couple things from today...

Yet another woman entered the showers at the Y today and chose the spot immediately next to me when there were 5 others available!! What the deuce?!

Of course, I forgot to point out something in yesterday's blog that should be obvious: my disdain for this practice does not apply to cute chicks. :)

Shoot, I have a couple other things, but it's just too hard on the phone. If you'll be patient, I'll bang them out tomorrow morning.

Have a good night, everybody!

Communal Shower Etiquette Lesson #1

Let me just take a moment to clear something up for any of my readers who may find themselves in a similar situation. I've been an avid Miss Manners reader for ages and have never seen her address this, so it would be my honor.

When entering a communal shower (for example, at the Downtown YMCA) which contains 7 shower heads -- 4 on one side of the 'room' and 3 on the other -- try to not plant yourself next to the only other person in the shower. It's more than a little skeevy.

Now I understand the other bather's desire to get on the wall of 3 where I was standing. If she's a regular, she knows that the water on that wall gets warmer much more quickly than the other wall because it shares the adjacent steam room's pipes. But seriously, I was the only person in there. Was it really necessary to take the spot immediately next to me?

There's got to be some etiquette book somewhere that would advise leaving a shower head in between each person until it becomes absolutely necessary to fill in. This just seems like common sense to me.

If you crowd me in the shower, I will fight back the only way I know how -- I will place excess shower gel on my puff, lather the hell out of myself, and fling it all over you in the process.

Bert, this is not supposed to be an appealing visual. Stop that.

Be My Little Baby

Less than twelve hours after writing my Getting Ready to Piss blog, I found myself having a mini panic attack over the prospect of not having children. Strange. They just hit me completely out of the blue sometimes. The whole point of the blog was that I was ready to move forward with my life and what I think is my real 'career,' and then here I was having an unexpected, infuriating Ally McBeal moment.

I was thinking about it at our kickball bar that night and then I had a flash of inspiration. One of my friends is a perfect sperm donor candidate and he didn't hesitate in saying "Yes," as long as he has absolutely no legal or financial ties to the child. His girlfriend, my good friend Michele, laid down the law and said there was no way this was occurring the natural way unless there was a sheet between us with a hole in it and her face plastered on the sheet where Greg could see it...

I have no idea where this leaves me. I'm still not 100% sure I want children -- especially alone -- but I'm terrifed I'll wake up when I'm unable to have children and know at that very moment that I really do want them.

We were talking about it at the wedding and my friend Weeble was getting ticked that he wasn't asked. Then he told my Fest Husband, Jack, that he wasn't asked either and a ridiculous conversation ensued, with the boys all arguing about the benefits and strength of their sperm.

So I proposed that we make a sperm cocktail from the three contributors -- Greg, Jack, and Weeble -- and then we could take bets on who the best swimmer would be! We could open it up to everyone and have a pool going and maybe get some sponsors. I'm thinking reality show... I'd also like to see Michael Phelps' swimmers get in there to give the boys a dark horse challenger. We're thinking Vegas might get involved in the betting as well.

Doesn't this all sound like a beautiful way of bringing a baby into the world?! ;)

Illuminate Their Way Home

Morning! Hope everyone is feeling fine. I'm trying to rally for a cold, wet, and blustery Wine Fest this morning. I'm supposed to be there by 11am, so I've got to get a move-on...

I attended the wedding of two kickball friends last night. The groom is new to our circle of friends and I don't really know him that well. He's a Senior Chief Petty Officer in the Navy and had an enormous number of medals on his uniform -- I was afraid he was going to tip over at one point. It was a beautiful ceremony and reception, with many men and women in various Navy uniforms. Living in this area, I really should learn more about this stuff.

Before the reception began, one of Jayson's groomsmen took to the mic and said the following. By the time he finished, there wasn't a dry eye in the house among the civilians. I thought it was worth passing along.

"Before we begin our activities this evening, we will pause to recognize our POWs and MIAs.

We call your attention to this small table, which occupies a place of dignity and honor near the head table. It is set for one, symbolizing the fact that members of our armed forces are missing from our ranks. They are referred to as POWs and MIAs.

We call them comrades.

They are unable to be with their loved ones and families tonight, so we join together to pay our humble tribute to them, and bear witness to their continued absence.

This table, set for one, is small, symbolizing the frailty of one prisoner, alone against his or her suppressors.

The tablecloth is white, symbolic of the purity of their intentions to respond to their country’s call to arms.

The single red rose in the vase, signifies the blood they many have shed in sacrifice to ensure the freedom of our beloved United States of America. This rose also reminds us of the family and friends of our missing comrades who keep the faith, while awaiting their return.

The yellow ribbon on the vase represents the yellow ribbons worn on the lapels of the thousands who demand with unyielding determination a proper accounting of our comrades who are not among us tonight.

A slice of lemon on the bread plate reminds us of their bitter fate.

The salt sprinkled on the plate reminds us of the countless fallen tears of families as they wait.

The glass is inverted - they cannot toast with us this night.

The chair is empty - they are not here.

The candle is reminiscent of the light of hope which lives in our hearts to illuminate their way home, away from their captors, to the open arms of a grateful nation.

Let us pray to the supreme commander that all of our comrades will soon be back within our ranks.

Let us remember and never forget their sacrifices.

May God forever watch over them and protect them and their families."

Another Breeder Event

Greetings and salutations! I'm blogging from my beautiful iPhone, Mildred, as I need to get ready for a wedding and don't have time to fire up the 'puter...

Needless to say, this one's-a gonna be-a shortie!

It's cold and rainy here and yours truly is sleeeeepy. I can only hope the prospect of the goofy looks my kickball friends will have on their faces when they see me in a dress will help me rally.

Hope everyone's having a great day and I'll catch ya later!

Shortest Blog Post

Jesus wept.

Hauntingly.

:)

HAUNTED

If you're paying attention, you know that the NaBloPoMo Jingleheimer Schmidt topic for the month of October is "haunted." I've decided to go for broke and see if I can't bust out a blog a day for both the month of October and November. I know, I feel the excitement in the air too... ;)

There's really no guarantee that I'll keep to the topic, but I'm going to give it a whirl.

First off, the "haunted" or scariest part of this is that I'm writing it on a kickball Thursday night. I should be off at our sponsor bar terrorizing the patrons with my karaoke singing, but I'm home doing laundry instead.

Yeah.

I'm road-tripping tomorrow to NJ and realized yesterday that I hadn't done any laundry and I need to pack and not be completely hungover tomorrow, so...coming home after our game seemed like the wise thing to do. Forty years in and I know my limitations. No, I can't just go for a little bit. No, I can't just have a drink or two. No, I can't keep myself off the karaoke stage....

Herewith, today's entry:

It's absolutely beautiful tonight. There's a full moon, the temperature and smells are fall-like and I know exactly where I'd like to be. You mentioned how you see yourself down the road. I can't remember if you asked or if I just offered, but I admitted that I've never been able to see into my future. It's amazing I've gotten where I am in retrospect. I have no five-year plan. Never have. I talked a good game in high school about what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be, but I was really clueless and flying by the seat of my pants the whole time. Most people who knew me then see a direct line between my stated goal and where I am, but it's still a shock to me. And I know it's not why I was put on the planet.

But back to tonight. I'm haunted by a future I want but might not obtain. I may not see who I'll be or what I'll be, but I can see what I want and who I'd like to be with. I wish we were out in the mountains right now, camping under the full moon. It's a beautiful night for stars and dreams and depth. I can think of no one else I'd rather share it with. And it doesn't really matter if you feel the same way or not. Thank you, my friend, for making me see it at all.