Love Actually

I had hoped to discuss something a little sillier tonight -- perhaps a story about how the fire alarm went off at the YMCA while I was in the communal shower earlier today -- but something's been pokin' at me, pokin' at me, pokin' at me for a while now and I'd like to throw it out there...

But first, what made the topic poke at me today was the following song that I love and heard very early this morning:

Melinda was mine
'til the time
That I found her
Holding Jim
Loving him

Then Sue came along
Loved me strong
That's what I thought
Me and Sue
But that died too

Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
A girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man

I've had it to here
Bein' where
Love's a small word
Part-time thing
Paper ring

I know it's been done
Having one
Girl who'll love me
Right or wrong
Weak or strong

Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man
Solitary man

Besides the obvious, that I'll be staying a Solitary Woman, I'm not sure where to start.

[Editor's note: the original awesome setup for the rest of this blog has been removed to avoid a libel suit. Thank you for your patience and understanding. Here's a new, crappy segue to the rest of the blog.



Well hell, I can't really think of anything right now. Just know that it would be a bridge between the song and a discussion of relationships.]

The reality is, I believe in marriage/relationships/commitments with all my being. I think it's part of the reason I have such a difficult time with the lesbian community. I'm not interested in this dating square dancing thing they have going in which everyone settles down for a while, moves in together, and then some unseen signal is issued by the Home Office and everyone swaps. Hey, look at her, she's better than you! Shift. Months go by, years go by, lives intertwine. Home Office throws up a bat signal and...Hey, look at her, she's better than you! Shift.

Of course, this isn't exclusive to the sisters of Sappho. You straights do one hell of a job as well. But you like to complicate the issue with children and financial dependence. Does anyone stand by commitment anymore? And if you are truly, irredeemably miserable with your partner, is it better to stay with them because you're committed? Well that doesn't sound right. But when do you stop looking? When do you focus your attention on your union and stop looking (or noticing) someone who might make a better mate (which may or may not be true...)?

I don't know what the answer is... Heck, I'm not even sure what the question is!

But just for the record, I believe in love. I believe in 'Til Death Do Us Part. And I know it's somewhat naive, but I keep hoping. And I keep getting disappointed when people fail each other, but I keep hoping. And I wonder, has it always been an illusion? If women had been financially independent in my grandparents' time and beyond, would marriages have lasted as long? And now that women can walk away, is it really better?

Well, you can see how this can poke at a person, can'tcha?

And finally, another song that kicked me in the teeth the first time I heard it. It's syrupy, I know, but I am too. Don't tell anyone. ;)

Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good ol' days.
Sometimes it feels like
This world's gone crazy.
Grandpa, take me back to yesterday,
Where the line between right and wrong
Didn't seem so hazy.

Did lovers really fall in love to stay?
Stand beside each other come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept,
Not just something they would say?
Did families really bow their heads to pray?
Did daddies really never go away?
Grandpa,
Tell me 'bout the good ol' days.

Grandpa, everything is changing fast.
We call it progress,
But I just don't know.
And Grandpa, let's wander back into the past,
And paint me a picture of long ago.

Did lovers really fall in love to stay?
Stand beside each other come what may?
Was a promise really something people kept,
Not just something they would say and then forget?
Did families really bow their heads to pray?
Did daddies really never go away?
Grandpa,
Tell me 'bout the good ol' days.