Rip Van Winkle

Well Helloooooooo!! YAWN. Streeeeeetch. How are we all doing?! Now THAT was one hell of a nap! And looky-here: it's twenty-oh-nine! How 'bout that!

Now, where was I?

Right. Blogging every day during the month of December. Hmmm. I seemed to be doing pretty well. Looks like I managed to post something -- of varying quality -- for every day in December, up. until. what's this? Looks like my last entry was on December 17th. December 17th. What is it about that date? Let's see... It's my mother's birthday! Well, that wouldn't have made me stop writing. It's the day my bff's sister's second baby was born. Nope, still no reason to stop writing...

Oh, wait a minute, I remember. There's wasn't anything out of the ordinary about the 17th, but I did attend a work Happy Hour on the 18th. And does anyone know what happened on the 18th? Anyone? Gloria??

You know what happened on the 18th, folks? Someone you know had a lot of wine. And someone (whom you also know and may be one and the same) did not go home when everyone else did -- no, no, she enthusiastically scurried off to another establishment with someone... Now who was it? Gloria, do you remember?

No matter. You know what does matter? I got home Thursday evening the 18th, FOUR MINUTES INTO FRIDAY THE 19TH!!! I missed the deadline for blogging on the 18th by FOUR MINUTES!

And then crapped out for the next -- how many has it been? -- three, four weeks.

And clearly didn't gain any talent or good stories along the way! I can't believe you're still reading this dreck! Shame on you.

That 'no good stories' line was a bit of a white lie. Or a premonition. I've actually gathered up a couple stories these last few weeks, though the 'goodness' of them may be questionable. We'll see how they turn out if I ever write them. They include rats, a half naked runaway child, a domestic assault on a major interstate highway, and the man who planted my ginormous pine trees thirty years ago.

So stay with me, people! We'll get through this together. And hopefully, just hopefully, the universe will smile upon me and put me in touch with someone who thinks I can actually make a living doing this! 'Cause those steps at the Golden Globes were looking pretty attractive the other night and -- EGADS! -- I'm not getting any younger. So it may be time to urinate or get off the urine collection and disposal apparatus.

To be continued...


Side note: would any of you have suspected it would take no less than 20 searches and fifty different word combinations for me to get to "Rip Van Winkle"?? I could not think of his name but after searching and searching and searching, I was thisclose to thinking I had made up the whole story! And just then the answer appeared. Whew. Keeping the senility at bay one more day, yessiree!