Turn on Your Hot Light

Has anyone else noticed that Bert has been suspiciously quiet this week? I'll have to shoot him an email...

Today was the big 2nd Krispy Kreme Invitational here in Virginia Beach. I missed the first one two years ago and then last year's didn't happen because the organizer had some pithy excuse -- he was running from Maine to Florida to raise money for the Ronald McDonald House...

Anyway, I was very excited to be able to participate this year and more than a little nervous. The rules were simple enough: start at Mt. Trashmore in Virginia Beach. Run approximately 3 miles (it was more like 2.2-2.4) to the Krispy Kreme store (home of the infamous "Hot Donuts Now" sign). Purchase and eat 6 glazed donuts. Run back.

Runners could gain advantages by eating additional donuts and/or drinking pints of milk. However, any runners caught puking would be assessed a penalty.

Hence my nerves. I was pretty much convinced that I was gonna be a puker.

And now I can say that I'm a little disappointed that I didn't. Outside of dodging speeding cars while running across six lanes of traffic on a major thoroughfare and almost losing my dog (Bodhi ran with me!) in some primordial ooze underneath an overpass, the event was pretty darn tame. I did find myself stroking my belly and apologizing to it over and over again for the first hour after the race's completion.

To give you an idea of just how awful I felt, I didn't go out with everyone afterwards for beer.

I know!!

Tommy (the organizer) sent an email out earlier saying our next event is going to be a scavenger hunt and I know we've discussed a beer/hot dog run. I'm thinking we might be able to give the Nathan's hot dog eating contest a run for its money! Competitive eating events are sooooo boring. Throw some running in there!!

We've Got Tonight

Since I'm actually an 80-year-old woman trapped in the body of a 40-year-old, I listen to the "oldies" station down here in Norfolk. I've placed "oldies" in quotes because the station is a pale substitute for my true oldies station, CBS 101.1 up in New York. The oldies station down here bangs out some songs from the 60s and on, but no true doo wop or oldies. Oh well.

Anyhoo, I was listening yesterday morning as I was getting ready for work and the familiar opening strains of We've Got Tonight by Bob Seger came over the airwaves. I immediately thought back to the early 80s when the song was popular and had a knee-jerk reaction about what a beautiful love song it is. And then I listened to the lyrics a little more closely than before. And you know what I discovered?

Bob was just trying to get laid!

Listen to this crap. It's just one-liner after one-liner after one-liner! I'm wondering what didn't make the cut. "If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put 'U' and 'I' together..."

I know it's late, I know you're weary
I know your plans don't include me
Still here we are, both of us lonely
Longing for shelter from all that we see
Why should we worry, no one will care girl
Look at the stars so far away
We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight babe
Why don' you stay?

Deep in my soul, I've been so lonely
All of my hopes, fading away
I've longed for love, like everyone else does
I know I'll keep searching, even after today
So there it is girl, I've said it all now
And here we are babe, what do you say?
We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
We've got tonight babe
Why don't you stay?

I know it's late, I know you're weary
I know your plans don't include me
Still here we are, both of us lonely
Both of us lonely

We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
Let's make it last, let's find a way
Turn out the light, come take my hand now
We've got tonight babe
Why don't you stay?
Why don't you stay?

He might as well have thrown in, "Hey baby, no one else is gonna do ya, let's go!"

So romantic....

Still Crazy After All These Years

Unless you've been under a rock all week, you should be aware that Sarah Palin, Wasilla Barbie herself, is doing a huge tour this week for her new book, Going Rogue: An American Life.

And if you're from my hometown of North Plainfield, NJ, you're probably also aware that she apparently spends a good deal of the book pointing her moose hunting rifle at John McCain's former campaign manager, Steve Schmidt. One of Steve Schmidt's less mentioned points from his lengthy political resume is that he graduated a year behind me in high school.

His mom, who stumbled upon my blog last year and became a regular reader, is probably breaking out in a sweat right now. It's OK, Mrs. Schmidt. I promise. :)

She has good reason to be nervous. Someone in this room (and it's not my dog) went a little crazy last fall during the election and skewered her son often by posting unflattering news and blog stories about him, of which there were quite a few. Something about the liberal media or somesuch... ;)

BUT what I want to share with you guys today is this...

I was listening to our local radio station's "9-at-9" show this morning, in which a year is featured at 9:00 am and nine songs from that year are played. I get a little giddy when the year falls in the 70s because they were happy musical times for me. Today's year was 1976 and one of the songs was Paul Simon's Still Crazy After All These Years -- and I was immediately transported to a charter bus in France in 1985, sharing a dual set of headphones and a single Walkman with none other than Steve Schmidt.

Steve and I both liked Simon & Garfunkel and I had brought along the cassette tape of their 1981 concert in Central Park on the trip. If I remember correctly, we spent about 80% of our tour of the Loire Valley on that bus. And Steve and I listened to that tape over and over and over and over again. We listened to it and laughed about different parts. Something about our English teacher Ms. Gannon being irritated by the line, "...all the crap I learned in high school; it's a wonder I can think at all..." We both got a little homesick every time we heard America and its mention of the New Jersey Turnpike. And I distinctly remember one or both of us falling asleep to the tape many times, resting our heads together or on each other's shoulders.

And so I'm glad a year has gone by and everything has settled down. I'm glad Steve's mom sent me an email and I had a chance to apologize. I'm glad Steve to this day doesn't know about my blog and has never read the posts from last fall. And I'm glad that enough time has passed that when I hear an old Paul Simon song, I can think back on my time in France with an old friend and just smile.

Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you

Two X Chromosomes, No Waiting

Holy unrecognizable Jennifer Grey on New Adventures of Old Christine, Batman!

Sure, we've all known about her disfiguring nose job of many moons ago, but now thanks to some apparent Botox and over-tweezing of the eyebrows, I would not have known her were it not for her voice! Poor Baby...

This is going to be a hodgepodge, my friends.

A female coworker posited the following earlier today:

FC: "Jerry, I have a question. I need a man's opinion."
AJ: "Then why are you asking Jerry??"
FC: "Why is it men think it's appropriate to send pictures of naked women to other women?"
AJ: "I have no problem with that!"

This started a lively debate and by debate I mean, a bunch of wisecracks from me, Jerry, and Luke.

When the dust settled, we found out the real question should have been:

FC: "Is it appropriate for my brother-in-law to send me pornographic photos via text?"

Yes, seriously. Ah, good times!!

I helped out a friend today by babysitting her friend's daughter for about an hour while she had a doctor's appointment. Since it was a girl-child, with whom I almost certainly had nothing in common, versus a boy-child, with whom I not only have much in common but a lot of practice, I decided to shore up my entertainment reserves. I dug up some construction paper and markers and colored pencils and Jerry offered me a deck of cards. He suggested we play Go Fish and I had to admit that I didn't know how to play.

Yah, the joys of being an only child...

I have a vague memory of maybe my mother or grandmother playing Go Fish with me when I was really young, but I guess this is a skill set I just didn't retain. So around 4 o'clock this afternoon, Jerry, Anne, Don, and Leslie were teaching me how to play Go Fish. And I couldn't help but laugh when I had to ask follow up questions and ask them to repeat certain things. Who knew the game was so complicated?? How the hell do children learn how to play this thing?

Fortunately, the babysittee was quite content to play with some Legos at the doctor's office and then draw. We banged out a couple of hand turkeys (mine had a pink polka dot bikini which babysittee decided to copy on her second pass) and the time flew by. As best I can tell, she didn't know I was terrified of her. :)

More Tales from the Communal Shower

I made my triumphant return to the YMCA over lunch today and had a pretty good run. I've lost some weight recently and am actually running much faster than I should for the amount of running/conditioning I've done. Consequently, I can't really maintain the faster pace for very long. I kept telling myself to slow down over and over again so that I could get a longer distance in. Too funny. I have to really kick in my marathon training soon, so this could be interesting!

I got back to the Y after my run and was happy to be the only one in the communal shower. Please see Communal Shower Etiquette Lesson #1 for my earlier views on this matter.

Anyhoo, I was alone in the shower until a rather large woman walked in. And planted herself immediately next to me!! Once again, she had five other shower heads to choose from... Had I not already pushed mine off to the left a little bit, we would have definitely been crashing into each other during the course of our showers. WTF??

I began composing this little rant in my head and finished my shower. Just as I was turning off my faucet, another woman walked out of the steam room. I walked across the shower room to get my towel and began to towel off -- just in time to notice her turn on my shower head and start showering in my spot -- where my toiletries and puff were still present!

????!!!!

So I then had to walk over to this lathered up woman (again, of a hefty sort) and say, "Uh, excuse me, can I get my stuff?"

To which she responded, "Oh, it's OK..."

Gee, thanks for forgiving me for disturbing you!

What in the hell?

Toll Ahead! (What else would you expect from a Jersey girl?)

Have you guys been checking out the Google ads that pop up on the left side of the screen? They're generated by the content of my blogs (in case you haven't figured this out yet) and I have to laugh because the greater majority of the ads this week have been for mold and mildew removal.

Google knows I have a flooded crawl space!

My other recent favorites include ads for Swatch watches, Smurfs, and 70s television. Google, you may be my soul mate. :)

Gloria was under the impression that something had to be purchased through the ads in order for me to receive payment. This is in fact not true! All you fine folks have to do is click on those things and I get some semblence of payment. They won't disclose how much, so I'm assuming it's pennies per click. But, if you're so inclined, click away. I'm unsure of Google's screening, so be careful. I'd hate for anyone to contract a computer virus because of my greed. :)

This reminds me (albeit obliquely) of the brilliant idea I had while staying at my grandparents' house as a child. I tacked an envelope up on the bathroom door with a note indicating that it cost 10 cents to use the facilities. And my dear, dear grandfather, God bless him, paid to use his own bathroom. I can only imagine what he was muttering under his breath as he jingled the change in his pocket looking for a dime. Come to think of it, that incredibly kind and loving man, who had a never-ending amount of patience for me (which I unfortunately only realized in retrospect, after he was gone) probably put ten dimes in for each visit.

If you've ever seen the movie "Arthur," my grandfather bore a strong resemblence to John Gielgud's character in speech, mannerisms, and attire. My grandfather was known to wear a shirt and tie to mow the lawn. We have some pictures of him in the 70s when he fell victim to plaid pants and jackets and white belts and shoes, but for the most part he was one dapper dude.

Quick witted, a bit of a beer lover, and well spoken. It's been an honor to share his birthday and name. :)

The Luckiest

Well wasn't yesterday's post chipper?? Hahahaha. I was suffering from a little head/heart disconnect and had ingested a day's worth of beer at our kickball tournament. Fortunately, I rallied and went to our end-of-season party, hung out with my great friends, got to take care of a couple, and things looked much rosier today. Funny how that works. I also got to see some old friends I hadn't seen in a while earlier today at brunch and can't help but remember that even though my crawl space is STILL oozing water, I'm pretty damn lucky.

Just have to work on the head/heart disconnect thing. Jeez, my head is ON IT as far as interpersonal relationships, but there are times that my heart is just not listening. It goes all "inner child" on me and will just not listen to my head. The kid is starting to calm down though and beginning to trust again. I hadn't realized just how bad my trust issues have become. I've avoided having to deal with them by not putting myself in the position to care either way, but now find myself being challenged. It's surprising, but good. And hopefully, I'll grow in the long run as a result. Ah, what "hopefully"? I'm already changing for the better and I'm pretty damn excited about it.

Hope you all had a great weekend. We saw the sun down here for the first time in DAYS and it was wonderful. I think the 5 days of rain and the various Nor'easter issues got to me and most of my friends. We all seemed to go a little screwy at different times yesterday. I'm glad we all had each other to lean on when needed. Pretty damn cool when you think about it.

Again, I'm a lucky girl. :)