Sunday, March 28, 2010

Conspiracy Theory

I know, it's been too long. But I've been going through a lot and haven't really wanted to broadcast it. I'm still not sure I want to, but I need to get it down on paper (as it were) and out into the universe. I need help.

I have got to find a way to get myself out of the well I dropped myself into over the last 9 months. I had an unfortunate run-in with a girl I've come to call Drama Cow, after this comic:

Yes, I know it's immature to call her a name, but it's my way of injecting humor into what is quite truthfully a very upsetting and painful experience for me. Things kind of came to a head a week or so ago and she lied to my face about several things. Just prior to that, some mutual friends and I compared stories and discovered we rarely heard the same one on any given topic. It makes me wonder if anything she ever said to me was the truth. I'm flabbergasted by the whole thing and really wish she would just go away. Alas, that's not to be.

I'm stuck. She and I are not speaking any longer and in as Shakespearean a move as is available in 2010, she unfriended me on Facebook. The whole thing is just absurd to me. I'm left feeling used, hurt, and foolish and yet STILL care about her and am very worried for her when I stop and think about it -- which I'm trying not to do.

Here's where the difficulty comes in -- people are still talking to me about her. I can't escape her and I need to. I'm seriously considering quitting kickball so I can just avoid the whole situation. And I hate that. I shouldn't have to go anywhere. I was friends with hundreds of people through kickball before she ever played and I'm still friends with them now. It's my home. And now I'm uncomfortable in my own home. Phlagh.

Don't think for a second that I don't realize how ridiculous this sounds. But, that's the way it is -- kickball is the fabric of our social lives...

So here it is. I'm sick at the moment, so that's having an unfortunate effect on my mindset. I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things this week (oh, btw I ran a marathon last weekend) and will hopefully feel better. I just wish I didn't have this THING hanging over my head. I must find a way to acknowledge it and send it on its way, just like a disturbance in meditation. OK, there it is, it exists, be on your way now...

I had a lightbulb moment a few minutes ago that is the real reason for this blog. A voice in my head said, "Decide what you want and the universe will conspire to make it happen for you."

And that's just what I'm going to do! I'll let you know how it goes. I hope you are all healthy and happy and appreciative of all the wonderful things in your lives. I am still struggling to focus on the good and not the bad. I have so much to be thankful for and so many wonderful people who I appreciate and love. I hope they know it.

And no, Anne Tickle, I will not fall in love with you so that you can use me as the Relationship Conduit!! Stop trying to manipulate The Force! ;)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

What I Want

Was about to sit down and write some jokes -- finally! -- and stumbled on the following. I wrote it a while ago and just banged it out in a few minutes, but it pretty much sums it up. So universe, if you're listening... :)

What I Want

Someone who enjoys my company and wants to share activities, thoughts, dreams, etc. with me.

Someone who is financially independent

Someone who is productive, creative, and fun-loving

Someone who seeks and finds balance in life and love

Someone who does not take herself too seriously and looks for the humor in life

Someone who appreciates me, my efforts, and my love

Someone who is not selfish

Someone who is her own person but who is open to being in my world and letting me in hers

Someone who is faithful

Someone who recognizes that new is always shiny and who likes, loves, and respects me enough to work on our relationship

Someone who recognizes her own idiosyncrasies

Someone who is not a victim all the time

Someone who recognizes that we can and will both be at fault on occasion. Statistically, it can’t always be my fault. :)

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Death is Easy, Comedy is...wait, it will come to me


I am in fact alive, if not without words to share... I've gotten myself in a bit of a pickle. I'm taking that standup comedy writing class and as is typical for me, I'm procrastinating my ever-decreasing ass off! Consequently, I feel like if I have anything even remotely creative to say in writing, I should probably make it for my standup class and not for my blog.

Additionally, I've been kicked to the curb once and for all but in an effort to extricate myself from the emotional/spiritual/physical/intellectual web I've been embroiled in for 9 months, I've decided to not write about that either.

So here we are! Anyone want to contribute something? :)

I put out the word on Facebook the other day asking for therapist referrals (at least one friend thought I meant a massage therapist...) and have an appointment tomorrow. Wish me luck! It's about damn time I reach my full potential in all aspects of my life, so I'm pretty excited to get to work.

And hopefully we can address this procrastination problem as well. This damn standup class is gonna kill me!! I've been home all day and have written squat.

It started raining/snowing/slushing here last night and as such, I spent all of last night getting up every two hours to pump out my crawl space so that the pooch and I would have heat. Once awakened for the day, I pumped it out every hour. And still...did no writing.

But the notebook is open over on the couch and there's hope I might get SOMETHING fleshed out in the next couple hours.

I fully understand why I have never pursued this avenue before. I'm wondering if there isn't room in the comedy realm for a completely improvisational standup comedian. Perhaps it's time. Because this writing of jokes thing is HARD! :)

All right, all right, that's enough bitching from me. Just wanted to check in and let you all know I'm still here.

Hope you're having a great week!