Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hotlanta? Hot Mess!

I've got two diametrically opposed blog ideas bouncing around in my head right now: The Real Housewives of Atlanta and my friend's impending elective sterilization. Hmm...come to think of it, the two topics aren't that disconnected -- it probably would have been wise to sterilize those lovely wallflowers before they reproduced -- or better yet, their parents...

Wait, I have to switch my "A Complaint Free World" bracelet to my other wrist. Again. And...begin.

Last week's Housewives was a laugh riot between Kim (who makes Chynna look demure and in need of makeup) claiming she is -- brace yourselves -- 29 years old and repeatedly telling people she's working on her singing career when NONE of her close friends has ever heard her sing. Good friend Ne Ne had never heard her so much as hum. We're something like 4 episodes in and Kim's met with producer Dallas Austin but damn, we still haven't heard her sing! Nor so much as hum...

But on to this week~ DeShawn is having a charity function (whose invitations were left in stacks at the local mall) and hopes to raise $1,000,000,000 by auctioning off sports stars and selling jewelry. She neglects to make the guests donate in order to gain entry to the festivities and she and her husband wind up 20 grand in the hole when all is said and done! What's harder than getting coworkers to participate in team building exercises? Getting cheap people to begin bidding at $7,500 for a play date with LeBron James. It was so utterly painful to watch. The local TV anchor who was hoodwinked into acting as one of the auctioneers was sweating like Whitney Houston as Ne Ne wondered if there might be some bidders downstairs...

Amazon Kim began distancing herself from Ne Ne (who is by far the funniest woman on the show) and kissing up to Sheree, by telling Sheree how beautiful she is over and over again and then saying they look alike! But Sheree had the best line of the night by far: "I am fashion. I have impeccable taste. And I WILL be the best dressed tonight." Standing next to Kim, she was almost the only one dressed at all since Kim's DDs were dangerously close to popping out of her too small dress all night.

They're all absolutely 100% tacky and without class. But you know what? They have gazillions in disposable income and we don't. So they don't give a damn what we think. Ah, the nouveau riche. We don't want to be them, we just want their money.

I guess the spaying of my friend story can wait another day.

And now, your Daily Moment of Schmidt:

"Several McCain advisers have suggested to CNN that they have become increasingly frustrated with what one aide described as Palin 'going rogue'...

The Politico reported Saturday on Palin's frustration, specifically with McCain advisers Nicolle Wallace and Steve Schmidt. They helped decide to limit Palin's initial press contact to high-profile interviews with Charlie Gibson of ABC and Katie Couric of CBS, which all McCain sources admit were highly damaging...

But two sources, one Palin associate and one McCain adviser, defended the decision to keep her press interaction limited after she was picked, both saying flatly that she was not ready and that the missteps could have been a lot worse...

'Her lack of fundamental understanding of some key issues was dramatic,' said another McCain source with direct knowledge of the process to prepare Palin after she was picked. The source said it was probably the 'hardest' to get her 'up to speed than any candidate in history.'" ~CNN, 10/25/08

Hi Mrs. Schmidt!

Friday, October 24, 2008

The Review is In!

Clearly this young lady has great intelligence and taste! I received a Facebook friend request earlier with the following message attached: "You don't have to add me but somehow I stumbled [upon] your blog and think you are HYSTERICAL!!!!!"

Let's just bask in that for a second, shall we?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh......... I'm warm and fuzzy in a cold, drafty house. Bless you, dear girl. With you, that brings the total number of folks who find my blog hysterical up to 2, so of course I will accept your friend request!

And what a nice little motivator for the upcoming NaBloPoMo. Yes, that's right, National Blog Posting Month is just days away! I've been resting up for the challenge to write one blog per day for the entire month of November. I can't wait to dig up some more embarrassing stories! And now that I've recently reconnected with so many long lost friends, I can delve into their embarrassments for material as well! I'm sure they're all very happy about that. I actually had one friend in the past who said of my writing ambition, "If you ever write about me or my family, I'll kill you." It was a very effective deterrent, as this is the first time -- and the last time -- I will ever mention her or her family.

And now, your Daily Moment of Schmidt:

"Steve Schmidt is 38, bald and brawny, with a nasal, deadpan voice and a relentless stare. He is also a devoted husband and father of two young children, introspective and boyishly vulnerable for someone of such imposing stature. On mornings, he can be seen standing outside the McCain campaign headquarters in Arlington, Va., smoking a cigarette while he scowls at his BlackBerry." ~NY Times Magazine, 10/22/08

Hi Mrs. Schmidt!