Friday, April 16, 2010

Season in the Sun

So the first night of kickball was a little......odd. We jumped from 5 teams (maybe?) to 14 and my own team seemed to pick up about 150 new players. It felt like a whirling dervish sort of night. I bounced from person to person and saw a ton of people I hadn't seen in a while. It was great seeing everyone, but I didn't really spend much quality time with anyone. And all the while, our old friend Drama Cow was in the vicinity, making things a little awkward. Around the fourth time she did a literal 180 upon spotting me, I walked over and said, "This is stupid. Hello, X. How are you, X?" She turned and walked away. So, at least I know I tried.

Shortly thereafter, I realized I wasn't really having any fun. And I knew I had to work all day today, so it seemed wise to just pack it in. I'm hoping this isn't a sign of things to come for the season. I fear my all-or-none tendencies will be at work once again: I either have to get crazy and stay out all night to have a good time or behave, get bored, and leave early. Where's the happy medium??

I'm feeling the stirrings of a big change. It's like something's going on inside me and trying to make its way into the light of day...

And in the meantime, here are my horoscopes for March and April. They are ridiculously accurate!

The whole spiritual thing seems to confuse you; however, it’s clearly growing on you. Think of it as a level of thought without words: a dimension of concept free from structure. Think of it as an opening in your mind, and what comes through is living information. If you relax, allow, and let go, this information will help you structure your other ideas and indeed your whole life around it. If you want to live for a principle, this is the one: the steady flow of energy that’s the essence of consciousness itself. Meanwhile, in the outer world, focus on cooperation. Move past outdated acquaintances and stale hostilities quickly. Don’t hold on to them; let them go with the ease of exhaling. Make a habit of transitions. Know when the time for something has arrived, and when it is up. You are preparing for one particular transition that you may not know about yet. It involves the work you do. Themes involve 1) doing something with this brilliant quality you have of not fitting in and 2) focusing your misty notion of a goal into a clear sense of mission that is guided by the living information. This will require trust because you will be making moves that are not preceded by the usual astonishing amount of mental chatter and debate. You will simply know and trust. The time has come.

Your social environment is interesting now, and it’s going to get really exciting as the season progresses. I’m going to start with some conservative advice: Rekindle connections to your best friends. You love new friends and you’re a friendly pup, but with the surge of energy that’s coming your way, you’re going to want people close by who know you well, and whose opinions and perspectives you trust because they are so familiar with you. One thing to research with old friends is what dreams you’ve been talking about fulfilling for at least 10 years. The energy of your charts is bursting with new ideas, ideals, and craving for a new vision for your life. My hunch is that while you want and indeed need something new in contrast to what you have now, there are important elements of past dreams that you are recovering. Some of this involves collecting power that you have given away in relationships. You may be feeling confronted by just how powerful certain people are, and how potent are bonds of sex, shared resources, or contractual arrangements. That you are seeing the power of these relationships is an invitation to confront that truth rather than to back down. Your most dependable bellwether is this: To what extent do you feel that you can really make your own decisions, without running into the objections of others who seem to have power over you?


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Waiting Room Musings

Wow, I'm sitting here waiting for my therapist who's running a few minutes late, and I stumble upon this nifty little link on my phone! Apparently, I'm the owner of a blog! Who knew?

How the heck is everyone? I think I'm doing ok. It's hard to say. I've been so busy that I really haven't had time to give it much thought. That may or may not prove to be a good thing. :)

Little Miss Bodhi is turning 11 years old on Saturday and I'm stunned how quickly the time has flown by. And I can never look at the passage of any period of time without thinking that the corresponding amount will fly past in the future -- only faster. I've done it since I understood the concept of time. Life has always seemed horrifically fleeting to me, ever since I was a kid. It's part of the reason I know this isn't my first time around. The frustration for me however is that this obsession with time past and future has made it difficult for me to stay present AND has rarely motivated me to squeeze the life out of life!

Instead, I sit. Daydreaming about what might have been or what could be, but strangely paralyzed. Hmmm... I should just bail on my appointment and go figure out what I want and how to get it! :)