Monday, August 31, 2009

True Friends

A friend of mine made the painful drive so many parents are making at this time of year -- she just dropped off her only daughter at college for the first time. Her daughter posted a pic of them in her new dorm room at school and while my friend was smiling, the pain in her eyes was obvious. I asked her to please let me know if she needed a diversion this week and we could go out for drinks or see a movie or whatever. She just responded saying, "That would be awesome. :)"

And it dawned on me how nice it is to have people in my life who are constant and dependable. Who are always happy to hear from me or spend time with me. It takes friendships like the one I've been embroiled in lately for me to really see the stark difference. Alas, I've been here before. Several years ago, I wrote the following and it just popped into my head. It was true then and it's true now...

A true friend would never turn on you and bad mouth you to others intentionally.
True friends do not make you feel bad.
True friends do not make you jump through hoops to be their friend.
True friends appreciate you.
True friends are consistent in their behavior towards you.
True friends do not attempt to humiliate you in front of others.
True friends do not dictate the rules of the friendship.
True friends forgive.
True friends give you the benefit of the doubt.
True friends believe you and take your word for it.
True friends do not keep score.
True friends put others above themselves occasionally.
True friends encourage a balanced friendship.
True friends show up.
True friends make time for you.
True friends work at the friendship.
True friends value your time, energy, and compassion.
True friends do not use you.
True friends do not take advantage of you.

And I'd like to add...

True friends don't constantly tell you that you don't know them or understand them. If it's true, you have no business being friends in the first place. If they're just feeling frustrated and misunderstood, they take the time to explain themselves or to show you their true nature and character rather than talking over and over again. They don't make you feel like your inability to crash through their walls is a deficiency on your part.

As my friend Denise used to say, "Don't talk. Do."

Actions speak louder than words, my friends.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Great Balls of Fire

I met my friend Butch at his house near the beach yesterday to go for a run. My muscle memory seems to be kicking in and I'm enjoying running again -- enough that I asked Butch to go for a run at 2 in the afternoon when it was in the mid-80s. We started off and right away I noticed something was different. Damn, I've got two sore, bouncing canteloupes on my chest! Must be PMS...

I told Butch about my problem and he laughed. And then it dawned on me -- "Oh, laugh it're just lucky your balls don't get huge every month! I'd like to see you run then!"

Geez, is there anything they don't get away with? I'm still bitter about the peeing outside anywhere they please and now this. I was telling the story to one of my friends last night and she said, "Yeah, if they bled out their penises and their balls swelled once a month, we'd never hear the end of it."

Ain't that the truth!


Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Swayze Liveth and the Lord Taketh Away

God's hat trick:

Ted Kennedy
Dominick Dunne
Ellie Greenwich

"Bring me SWAYZE!!!!!!!!!"

And in the meantime, poor Michael Jackson can't get in the ground! He died 2 months ago and they've just postponed his burial once again. I hope they've got him on ice. I've had chicken go bad in the fridge in far less time.

Is anyone else surprised that Joe Jackson hasn't tried to take Michael on tour one last time?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Obama vs. Kennedy?

Is it just me, or are they blaming Obama for Kennedy's decline and death?

"Then, risking his own health, Sen. Kennedy traveled to the Democratic National Convention in Denver, where Obama accepted the presidential nomination, to give a rousing speech on Obama's behalf. It was almost exactly one year before Kennedy's death. The senator also returned to the Capitol in January to see Obama sworn in as the nation's first black president, suffering a seizure at a celebratory luncheon afterward."

~ GLEN JOHNSON and PHILIP ELLIOTT, Associated Press Writers

God vs. Patrick Swayze

The celebrity death match between God and Patrick Swayze continues....

Ted Kennedy, dead at 77.

I'm sure Mary Jo Kopeckne is angry that God has finally avenged her death but waited until His pissy little fight with Patrick Swayze to do so. It reminds me of a friend from high school -- her stepfather abused her physically and her mother just stood by. But her stepfather pissed her mother off by leaving the cap off the toothpaste one too many times and she finally left him. Right outcome, wrong reasons.

Meanwhile, Patrick's just getting stronger and stronger... Although I'm unsure why he's beginning to look like Corey Feldman in the process.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Patrick Swayze

For those of you dear readers who aren't on Facebook, this blog may rock your world a little bit. I give you..............AJ's Patrick Swayze Theory:

Patrick Swayze, as we all know or should know as dedicated pop culture junkies, is suffering from pancreatic cancer. This, coupled with the defiant celebrity interview, should have sealed his fate many, many months ago. History has shown us that within 48 hours of giving the "I'm going to beat this thing" celebrity interview, most celebrities succumb to their illness. Please see Freddie Mercury, Bill Bixby, and Michael Landon for more information.

So you can imagine God's dismay when Patrick gave his interview and then had the balls to keep living!!

Many of you may have noticed a few months back that celebrities seemed to be dropping at an alarming rate. It wasn't long before the answer became crystal clear to me: God is picking off a celebrity-a-day until Patrick Swayze surrenders. I think we can all see Him thundering, "Bring me SWAYZE!!!" with each victim He acquires. And Swayze? He just keeps getting stronger and stronger.

Herewith, the list of Swayze's collateral damage:

David Carradine
Ed McMahon
Farrah Fawcett
Michael Jackson (this is when my theory first began to materialize)
Gale Storm
Billy Mays
Fred Travelena
Karl Malden
Steve McNair (this is when my friend Butch began blaming me for celebrity deaths -- it's not me, it's GOD!! I just noticed the trend...)
Oscar Mayer
Robert McNamara
Walter Cronkite
Frank McCourt
Gidget (the Taco Bell chihuahua -- hey, gotta spread it around so people won't get suspicious!)
Corazon Aquino
Budd Schulberg
John Hughes
Eunice Shriver
Les Paul
Don Hewitt

Frankly, I can't believe people-of-note haven't stormed Swayze's house with torches, pitchforks, and Michael Jackson's doctor!

What, too soon?

So now I think The Swayze is on to me and trying to silence me. Hence my hellish week a few weeks back. Which makes me question my decision to go skydiving last week. Seems to me I shouldn't be jumping out of a plane while taunting Swayze. The jump got cancelled, but that's probably just to give me a false sense of security...

In the meantime, I don't wish Swayze any ill will. I'm not hoping he dies. I am a little concerned about Hollywood's numbers, but this is God's doing, not mine. Don't shoot the messenger, people.........