Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Don't it make my brown eyes blue

Holy cow, I just saw a human Papa Smurf on Oprah! He even left Dr. Oz speechless. This genius saw an ad for colloidal silver that touted it as a cure for petroleum poisoning and since his friend suffered from petroleum poisoning, he ordered some. And being an aforementioned genius and a good friend, he figured he couldn't very well recommend that his friend take this stuff without trying it out himself. Of course, he wasn't actually suffering from petroleum poisoning. Well, he tried it for a bit and it helped his acid reflux, so he eventually started applying it to his skin after he developed some dermatitis. He was caring for his elderly parents and not getting out much (and apparently not looking in a mirror) so it wasn't until a friend happened by that he even discovered he was turning blue! And he's not just a faint blue. Oh, no. He's the color of a grape jelly Jelly Belly.

So what is this stuff anyway? Colloidal silver is a liquid suspension of silver particles. Waaaay back in the day, it was used medicinally to kill bacteria until something called 'antibiotics' were developed and found to be more effective. Not only were they more effective, but they did not have this interesting side effect: argyria. Seems that those silver particles, once absorbed by the skin either internally or externally, have a tendency to turn blue/gray when exposed to sunlight. Kind of like the silver particles in photographic paper darkening when exposed to light. As Dr. Oz said, he's essentially tattooed himself!

And finally, the reveal:

That's his fiance on the right. She met him after this had happened and like most women of a certain age, she wasn't discouraged when she learned he was blue. I wonder if she was thinking he just needed some cheering up?

Monday, February 18, 2008

Bloggedy blog blog

Got an email from the NaBloPoMo folks this week saying they're proposing a monthly blog-posting contest/drive/whathaveyou. The next one starts up March 1st, so I guess it's time to stretch the ol' fingers, clear up the cobwebs between my ears, and see if I can't find something inane to babble about for a few minutes.

Hmmm, speaking of inane, I bring you this: I became addicted to The View when I was home in December recuperating from my arm surgery (by the way, if you're listening Dr. Running Surgeon: my arm's still clicking!) I can't seem to help myself. I despise Elizabeth and would like someone to smack Babwa on the back of the head with a cast iron pan, but I can't stop watching. I DVR the darn thing and watch the Hot Topics segment each evening when I get home from work. And today they had a doozy of a tidbit, inane in its own right: seems that somewhere in my adopted state of Virginia, a book about two male pengiuns raising a baby penguin was banned. Whoopi was trying to explain that this sometimes happens in the wild when the mother can no longer care for her offspring (read: she gets eaten) and another penguin steps in to increase the offspring's survival. Joy added that the book is in fact based on some penguins in Central Park. Which should be the first clue that these are in fact homo penguins. The horror! And that brings us to Sherri. Poor Sherri. She spoke slowly and cautiously, knowing that Whoopi and Joy and the media would most likely pounce on her comments. She then proceeded to explain that she would not read this book to her son. That if he wanted to read it when he got older, then maybe. Now, I've heard Sheri's comments concerning her son before and am confident that by "older," she in fact means eighteen and/or not living under her roof. At which point, I would think the bigger issue would be that she has an adult son who is reading children's books...

Anyway, she and Grand Wizard Hasselbeck then proceeded to explain that the book wasn't just about two male penguins coming together to nurture an orphaned penguin, rather as the book progresses, the male penguins become very good friends and LOVE each other.

This was said with a great deal of import.

Two male penguins become very good friends and love each other.

Say it with me. Two male penguins become very good friends and love each other.

Oh my god!! Quick, get the children out of the room!!! Two male penguins become very good friends and love each other!!!!!!!!

Can you imagine what this would teach children?? That they never have to be afraid of being abandoned. That someone will always take care of them. That it's okay for men to be close. That it's okay for men to care for each other and care for children. That men make good parents. Holy hell, it's time for a book burning!! This filth must be destroyed and if it can't be destroyed, well it should be banned. Thank goodness I'm in a state that sees this so clearly.

Just don't ask how many children live in poverty here. Oh, and don't worry yourselves over those fatherless families. And by all means, look the other way when some boys beat the crap out of some fags.

Virginia is for lovers. As long as they're not two male penguins.