Sunday, March 28, 2010

Conspiracy Theory

I know, it's been too long. But I've been going through a lot and haven't really wanted to broadcast it. I'm still not sure I want to, but I need to get it down on paper (as it were) and out into the universe. I need help.

I have got to find a way to get myself out of the well I dropped myself into over the last 9 months. I had an unfortunate run-in with a girl I've come to call Drama Cow, after this comic:

Yes, I know it's immature to call her a name, but it's my way of injecting humor into what is quite truthfully a very upsetting and painful experience for me. Things kind of came to a head a week or so ago and she lied to my face about several things. Just prior to that, some mutual friends and I compared stories and discovered we rarely heard the same one on any given topic. It makes me wonder if anything she ever said to me was the truth. I'm flabbergasted by the whole thing and really wish she would just go away. Alas, that's not to be.

I'm stuck. She and I are not speaking any longer and in as Shakespearean a move as is available in 2010, she unfriended me on Facebook. The whole thing is just absurd to me. I'm left feeling used, hurt, and foolish and yet STILL care about her and am very worried for her when I stop and think about it -- which I'm trying not to do.

Here's where the difficulty comes in -- people are still talking to me about her. I can't escape her and I need to. I'm seriously considering quitting kickball so I can just avoid the whole situation. And I hate that. I shouldn't have to go anywhere. I was friends with hundreds of people through kickball before she ever played and I'm still friends with them now. It's my home. And now I'm uncomfortable in my own home. Phlagh.

Don't think for a second that I don't realize how ridiculous this sounds. But, that's the way it is -- kickball is the fabric of our social lives...

So here it is. I'm sick at the moment, so that's having an unfortunate effect on my mindset. I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things this week (oh, btw I ran a marathon last weekend) and will hopefully feel better. I just wish I didn't have this THING hanging over my head. I must find a way to acknowledge it and send it on its way, just like a disturbance in meditation. OK, there it is, it exists, be on your way now...

I had a lightbulb moment a few minutes ago that is the real reason for this blog. A voice in my head said, "Decide what you want and the universe will conspire to make it happen for you."

And that's just what I'm going to do! I'll let you know how it goes. I hope you are all healthy and happy and appreciative of all the wonderful things in your lives. I am still struggling to focus on the good and not the bad. I have so much to be thankful for and so many wonderful people who I appreciate and love. I hope they know it.

And no, Anne Tickle, I will not fall in love with you so that you can use me as the Relationship Conduit!! Stop trying to manipulate The Force! ;)


于名韋成 said...


Robert said...

I think it is sweet how the international community is so supportive of your blog.

AJ said...

I'm just happy SOMEONE is contributing to my blog, since I'm not. :)