Saturday, August 9, 2008

Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree with Anyone Else but...My Afterbirth?

McConaughey to plant son's placenta in orchard

NEW YORK (AP) — Matthew McConaughey says the birth of his son will help bring a little joy to others in the world someday. The actor kept the placenta from the July birth of his son and plans to plant it in an orchard, he tells CNN's "House Call with Dr. Sanjay Gupta" in interview scheduled to air in two parts Aug. 9 and Aug 16.

McConaughey says he hopes it will fertilize the land, a ritual long followed in several cultures.

"It's going to be in the orchards and it's going to bear some wonderful fruit," he says, according to an interview transcript. "When I was in Australia, they had a placenta tree that was on the river ... and all the placentas of all that tribe, all that clan, whatever aboriginal tribe that was, all the placentas went under that one tree and it was this huge behemoth of just health and strength.

"This tree was just growing taller and stronger above the rest of Mother Nature around it. It was gorgeous."

There are times I wish this was a podcast and not a blog. How else to describe the look on my face? Although, I'm guessing you all just sported the same look for a few seconds. If I ever retire -- wait, what am I saying? -- WHEN I retire from the crime lab and if I consider smoking some mari-JUANA, I want what Matthew McConaughey's having. Holy hell.

Our number two entry for "10 Signs the World May Be Coming to an End," I give you:

'American Idol' crooner Clay Aiken now a father

RALEIGH, N.C. (AP) — Former "American Idol" runner-up Clay Aiken is a father.

The 29-year-old crooner from Raleigh announced the birth of Parker Foster Aiken on his Web site's blog Friday

"No hyphens. One first name," he wrote. "One middle name. One last name."

Aiken's mother, Faye, told Raleigh TV station WRAL the child was born in North Carolina.

Aiken was a favorite of fans during the second season of "American Idol," where he finished second to Ruben Studdard. His album "Measure of a Man" went double platinum in 2003, and he made his Broadway debut this spring in "Monty Python's Spamalot."

The baby's mother is Jaymes Foster, Aiken's friend and record producer whom he met while performing on "American Idol." Their son was born at 8:08 a.m. Friday, and weighed 6 pounds 2 ounces and was 19 inches long, according to the statement on the Web site.

"The little man is healthy, happy, and as loud as his daddy," Aiken wrote. "Mama Jaymes is doing quite well also."

Jaymes? Seriously? Is this that pre-op tranny who gave birth recently? Because how else can anyone explain Gayken (apologies to Kathy Griffin) having anything to do with a woman? I have to assume they utilized the Michael Jackson-Receptionist Method. Conception is beautiful when the mother and father aren't even in the same state when it occurs.

Of all the times to NOT have a Sing-Along Blog! Material like this doesn't just appear every day out of thin air, you know. "Mama Jaymes"? Good lord. I wonder what Joss Whedon could do with this. If you're confused, check out my new favorite thing:

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