Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Today's buzz word is "tile"! How many "tiles" can you find in the following story?

It seemed simple enough...

I was in the shower this morning and realized I was out of shower gel. I had a backup bottle (the free 'travel' size that comes with the 2 gallon bottles from Costco) on a shelf about three feet away from the shower. I opened the shower curtain a little bit, stepped out onto the bath mat (and by 'bath mat,' I mean folded Polar Plunge towel), and reached across for the bottle. My fingers had water on them and I had a hard time gripping the top of the bottle. I reached a little further, grabbed more of the bottle, and............all hell broke loose.

As best I can tell, my right foot, which was still in the tiled shower, must have slipped on the tiled floor, propelling me forward towards the bathroom shelving and toilet. At the same time, my left foot on the Polar Plunge towel shot off to the left (I know this because the towel wound up against the bathroom door, three feet to my left). I guess I started reaching for something to break my fall, but since the ENTIRE bathroom is tiled, I couldn't actually create any friction with anything and just kept falling. I think there may have been a full flip in there somewhere. When all was said and done, I scratched my right boob on either my Costco vat of shampoo or conditioner which was on the tiled shower wall, ripped the shower liner, brought the shower curtain into the shower, crashed the back of my right leg into the tiled shower wall (which I can't figure out since the right leg was IN the shower the last time I checked and the wall was in front of it), slammed my right side/ribs onto the tiled wall, then my right arm, and finally came to a crash landing on my left side onto the tiled shower floor. The bottles of shampoo and conditioner were strewn about the tiled bathroom floor and had both lost at least one pump of product on impact.

It seems either physically impossible or Olympic-gymnast-worthy to me. It was lightning fast but also seemed like it would never end at the same time. The whole house shook when I finally landed. And where was my faithful canine companion? Curled up in a ball in my down comforter on my bed. She didn't even bat an eye. When I finally got into the bedroom, she let out a sigh that said, "Please keep it down, I'm trying to sleep."

I'm not sure if I've truly indicated the wonder that is my bathroom. The ENTIRE bathroom is tiled. Tan, 1970s tile. Floor, walls, shower, shower wall, and the piece de resistance, CEILING. It literally looks like the Downtown YMCA communal shower. Same premise, same color scheme. If it weren't for the wood door, I could close the whole thing up and hose it down once a week.

As if I need to state this, a bachelor is responsible for this creation.

To be continued...


lauren said...

Please include photos of the shower in the next installment along with a police outline and arrows of trajectory of the body. A little photoshop and a cut out of AJ in a towel spinning around would also help.

glo said...

Oooh! I love reenactments! You should do a video. It could become a YouTube sensation!