Thursday, January 15, 2009

Name My Growth!

No, this isn't a naming rights battle, nor am I admitting any kind of intersex issue... BUT we are featuring a first here at Cranial Vault -- a contest! Yes, yes, it's terribly exciting. I'm unsure as to the prize or how I will send it to the winner (if he or she is unknown to me) but fortunately I have a team of lawyers who have promised to protect me if I'm unable to fulfill any promises I haven't made on this site.


Herewith, my symptoms or lack thereof:

Two docs have pressed on the lower right quadrant of my belly two months apart and caused a sharp pain that elicited a Youch! from me.

That's it.

No other symptoms. No pain when no one's a-pressin'. I actually went to the first Doc (a Doc-in-a-Box) for an unrelated issue and was just as surprised as she when I yelped.

I finally got in to see my Doc two days ago and she's stumped. She posited that perhaps it was gas, to which I responded, "For TWO MONTHS??" She mulled over the possibility of appendix, and gall bladder, and kidneys, but seemed to strike through each one. Appendix still seems to be the front runner even though there are no other symptoms of appendicitis. She also mentioned some stray lymph node that sometimes causes problems, but she really didn't want to let the gas thing go. She asked if I'm gassy and I responded truthfully, "No, I'm not, but I come from very flatulent people."

Once again, You're welcome, Mom!

So, what say you? Any ideas? I'm having a CT scan tomorrow and hopefully that will shed some light on the situation. It sounded like nothing more than a quick trip into a scanner until they informed me I had to pick up my contrast dye. Even that didn't seem so bad until I picked up two 450-mL bottles of the stuff. And then read the paperwork explaining that I'd also be having an iodine injection. Then my friend Don explained that it will burn for a little bit. This gets better and better by the second! This thing isn't even bothering me, so what the hell??!

My friend Anne has dibs on my absorbed twin, complete with teeth and hair, but all other possibilities are available. So please, Name My Growth!


glo said...

And another thing - you actually thought that I would order wine for you and not pick up the tab! I forgot about that earlier. And Robert, congrats on the exercise! You're worth it.

AJ said...

Are you naming my growth "Robert"?? Perhaps I should have posted rules... As for the wine, "Huh?" I thought you ordered wine for me AND picked up the tab! :)

glo said...

No, 2 days ago your friend Robert posted that he had started exercising again. I'm happy for him. Name for your growth - Tina Fey. Her 2008 was so awesome maybe your growth could get in on her talent! And she's busy. Who wants a lazy growth?

Robert said...

Thanks glo!

The "name the growth" contest made me recall this Sarah Palin classic:

There are plenty of amusing things to click on in the photo, but the list of baby names on the wall is great.

lauren said...

Alec Baldwin. Don't get me wrong I love Tina Fey, and she did make the year go faster, thank god...but Alec Baldwin is pretty funny too. Or maybe a throwback to Pee Wee Herman...Paul. You can call it Paul. Or Judy.