Sunday, October 18, 2009

Be My Little Baby

Less than twelve hours after writing my Getting Ready to Piss blog, I found myself having a mini panic attack over the prospect of not having children. Strange. They just hit me completely out of the blue sometimes. The whole point of the blog was that I was ready to move forward with my life and what I think is my real 'career,' and then here I was having an unexpected, infuriating Ally McBeal moment.

I was thinking about it at our kickball bar that night and then I had a flash of inspiration. One of my friends is a perfect sperm donor candidate and he didn't hesitate in saying "Yes," as long as he has absolutely no legal or financial ties to the child. His girlfriend, my good friend Michele, laid down the law and said there was no way this was occurring the natural way unless there was a sheet between us with a hole in it and her face plastered on the sheet where Greg could see it...

I have no idea where this leaves me. I'm still not 100% sure I want children -- especially alone -- but I'm terrifed I'll wake up when I'm unable to have children and know at that very moment that I really do want them.

We were talking about it at the wedding and my friend Weeble was getting ticked that he wasn't asked. Then he told my Fest Husband, Jack, that he wasn't asked either and a ridiculous conversation ensued, with the boys all arguing about the benefits and strength of their sperm.

So I proposed that we make a sperm cocktail from the three contributors -- Greg, Jack, and Weeble -- and then we could take bets on who the best swimmer would be! We could open it up to everyone and have a pool going and maybe get some sponsors. I'm thinking reality show... I'd also like to see Michael Phelps' swimmers get in there to give the boys a dark horse challenger. We're thinking Vegas might get involved in the betting as well.

Doesn't this all sound like a beautiful way of bringing a baby into the world?! ;)


Nikki said...

Yep, sure is a beautiful way to bring a youngen into this world. AJ, the world needs more people like you. Git er done!

Robert said...

I can relate...completely. I guess I have known for quite some time that kids weren't in my future. I also knew that I would live to regret it. I am just beginning to enter that phase of my life.

AJ said...


Do you want in on the semen cocktail, Bert? I'll be home for Christmas... :)

Robert said...

I bet you reconsider that after my comment on the Volvo story!

; ^ )