Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Dear Mr. President

As long as we're all hanging out waiting to see who the next Leader of the Free World will be, I thought this would be a good chance for me to discuss a very important topic, one that's dear to my heart. And maybe, just maybe, the next President (Obama!) will be the man to answer my question.

Just what in the hell is wrong with Wendy's that they can't make a better french fry?? How freakin' difficult can it be?? Even before they had to eliminate trans fats, their french fries sucked ass. No matter what time you go there -- early afternoon, late afternoon, early evening, late evening...fourth meal -- those things are a soggy stick of grass-tasting disappointment. (If you ever wore mittens as a child and dug a hole in the ground and then stuck the mitten in your mouth, you know what "grassy" potatoes taste like). They're either salted too much or not salted at all. I just can't DEAL with it anymore!! They have fantastic hamburgers. They served white meat chicken back when serving actual chicken (see McDonald's recent ad campaign, "Now with 100% chicken!" WTF??) was not the industry standard. They have Frostys and introduced all sorts of healthy sides (salads, mandarin oranges, free yoga classes while you wait) and yet, they can't make a decent french fry!!

By the way, for any of you keeping track, this is not a complaint. And my "A Complaint Free World" bracelet actually snapped in two last week anyway. I am allowed to state a fact without it being a complaint. One can walk into a room and say, "It's hot in here," but one cannot say, "Jesus Christ, why the f*ck is it so freakin' hot in here?? I HATE when it's this hot! And you people are morons for not being hot!"

Likewise, I am allowed to point out that Wendy's french fries have always been as limp as Clay Aiken's penis in a room full of naked women.

What? Too easy? Beneath me?

I'm sorry. I know you deserve better but I'm tired...

I've been up since 4:30 am, stood in line in the rain for over an hour to vote for BARACK OBAMA! and then had to drive out to West Bumblef*ck to testify.

OK, that last part might have been a complaint. But I was happy to vote. And was relatively happy to stand in line to do so. I was just worried that I would have to leave before getting the chance to vote. I was actually thrilled to see so many people at the polls. And I'm such a big ol' goober that I got choked up with emotion as I turned in my 'check card' computer ballot. I hope others did too. Making history always brings a lump to my throat.

And now, your Daily Moment of Schmidt:

"The punditocracy's Seven Biggest Blunders of the 2008 election

2) Steve Schmidt Is a Genius

When McCain took the lead after the GOP convention in many national polls, the immediate reaction was to lionize top strategist Steve Schmidt for imposing order and discipline on the unruly campaign. But, in truth, Schmidt's ascension probably only intensified a problem that has dogged McCain from the outset -- a focus on day-to-day tactics over long-term strategy and a coherent rationale for the campaign. McCain often dominated the daily news cycle, but failed to dominate the hearts and minds of voters. Many in the Obama campaign believe that the turning point in the race came when McCain dramatically suspended his campaign on the eve of the first debate in order to fly to Washington to join in the ineffectual dithering over the economic crisis. Schmidt's war-room mentality (he ran the rapid-response team for the Bush-Cheney campaign in 2004) may have been ill-suited for a political year when McCain needed a Big Idea to compete with Obama."

Uh......ya think??

Hi Mrs. Schmidt!

1 comment:

justbeachy said...

Tastes like grass???...geewhillikers, have never heard that description before...