Saturday, November 15, 2008

Driving Me Crazy

Ride back from Jersey was pretty uneventful, save for the old woman who nearly drove into Bodhi and me in Maryland and the occasional torrential downpour... Let's review a few things, shall we?

1) The left lane of the highway is for PASSING. It's for passing cars immediately; not because you will eventually pass them or because you don't feel like driving behind anyone. If you're going fast enough that you're actively passing people in the lane to your right, then by all means, stay in the left lane. But if you look in your rear view mirror [sub note: LOOK IN YOUR FREAKING MIRROR OCCASIONALLY!!!] and see what looks like a funeral procession behind you with grimacing, apoplectic drivers, MOVE THE F*CK OVER! There was a white pickup truck on 64 East near Williamsburg who held tens of cars hostage for miles by chilling in the left lane. It's only two lanes there and no one could get around this jackass. Someone {cough} finally got close, beeped, and pointed to the sign on the side of the road that said, "Slower cars keep right". That same someone, after much jockeying, was finally able to squeeze in front of the pickup and taste sweet freedom, approximately 40 seconds before Jackass finally moved into the right lane.

2) I would never have the audacity to accuse someone on a cell phone of not paying attention or slowing well below the speed limit, but don't you think you'd be more comfortable over in the right lane? That way, when you're leaning on your window with your "cell arm" up to your ear, you can block out all the other people on the highway and just concentrate on your call. I'm just thinking of you.

3) If you plant yourself in the left lane, I will give you a chance to redeem yourself but will eventually ride your ass. I will also shake my head in disgust when you finally wake up and get over. You'll note that once I pass you, I will then get over to the middle or right lanes until the next time I have to pass someone. See how easy that is?

I'm sure there are others, but that's it for now. If you have any driving questions, please let me know. If you're lucky, I'll share my "lane ends soon, merge now" dissertation with you down the road. Pun intended.

Hi Mrs. Schmidt! Get the hell over, Mrs. Schmidt. I just know you're one of those people.

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