Thursday, November 3, 2011

Ma Bell, Pa Jobs

I’m in love. I was already in love, but I had no idea it could be like this. I’m also a procrastinator. So falling in love with my newly-activated iPhone 4S is downright dangerous. I’ve been happily using a 3Gs for over two years, but she was becoming a little sluggish. She’d lag as I bounced from Words With Friends to texting to Hanging With Friends to Facebook. I’d find my brain working a few steps ahead and figured that couldn’t be a good sign for the phone’s processing speed. I lamented my inability to zoom in and obtain clear photos. I found a disgusting layer of oil on the back of the phone, underneath the rubber Otter Box protective covering.

That wasn’t really the phone’s fault.

And now I have this beauty in my hands. She’s crystal clear and super-fast and…

I’m wasting a tremendous amount of time on her! I activated the phone last night and stayed up well past my bedtime. This morning I discovered the snooze function on the alarm worked very well and proceeded to hit it every 9 minutes for two hours. Then I got lost in absolutely nothing interesting for a few more hours – some while sitting on my toilet seat, which resulted in two numb legs and a deep ring impression on my fat ass – and had to force myself to


in order to shower and finally get to work. Thank goodness I’ll be in the lab the rest of the day and will have her tucked away safely in a drawer.

I hope she’ll be ok in there. It’s so dark and cold.

Sweet dreams, little [blank].

I need a name for her. My first iPhone was named Mildred; Millie for short. I thought about Millie 2, which made me then consider Audrey 2, from Little Shop of Horrors. But naming my beloved new toy after a man-eating plant seems ill-advised.

Any suggestions?

In the meantime…

If you recall, I mentioned yesterday that one of my coworkers is Scott Adams, the author of the comic strip, Dilbert.

It appears one of my dear readers may be the author of one of my fave strips, Pearls Before Swine. The evidence:

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