You always hurt the ones you love. Spread the word. ;)
In the meantime, here's a sweet little story from Saturday night:
My friends and I went to the ODU football game on Halloween. Two of my friends, Michele and Greg, dressed up as Daphne and Fred from Scooby Do for the game. They looked pretty damn funny actually -- especially when so few people were dressed up at the game.
We were walking back to Michele's house after the game and we ran into a pack of people that they know. There seemed to be a delay of game due to one especially drunken female and when I circled back to find out what was going on, I discovered Drunk Girl had stolen Greg's Fred wig and was wearing it. Michele said they were trying to get it back to no avail and whispered to me, "Get the wig."
Well, I'm Michele's official Lesbian. There are certain duties (yes, I said doody) that come along with this. I threatened Greg within an inch of his life when they began dating. I've gotten involved in fights for Michele with no information other than the fact that someone was bothering her. I play tough girl to her delicate flower on occasion. And on Saturday night, I had to go in after the wig.
It seemed simple enough. I walked up to the girl, plucked the wig off her head, and took off running down the street, waving the wig as if it was a flag. I heard her screech, "Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch!!!!!" after me as I went running, but I apparently missed the best part.
She turned to her friends -- including the true culprits, Michele and Greg -- and yelled, "Get the wig back!!"
And when someone asked who had it, she screamed the following:
That bitch!
That cunt!
She smells like fish!!
Really, what is there to say after that? I apologize for the coarse language, but if I had thrown in an asterisk or two, you wouldn't have gotten the full effect.
Yeah.
Michele, not being anyone's Lesbian and therefore under no obligation to defend, apparently doubled over and busted a gut laughing after Drunk Girl's pronouncement. I have to say, I laughed pretty damn hard after they told me about it as well. And I did enjoy everyone back at Michele's house chanting over and over again, "You bitch. You cunt. You smell like fish!!"
For the record, I don't think I smell like fish. There's a lesbian dating joke in there, but I'll let it go since I've obviously already offended your sensibilities.
The good news is, I think my kickball team has a new cheer!! Woo!!!
Until Day 3, my friends. :)
1 comment:
One of my favorite bands is Hot Tuna. Their name origin from wikipedia:
The band name Hot Tuna came from someone Kaukonen refers to as a "witty wag" who called out, "hot tuna" after hearing the line 'What's that smell like fish, oh baby,' from the Blind Boy Fuller song "Keep on Truckin." Kaukonen decided it was a good band name and it stuck ever since. Before their debut album was released, their name was seen on the Jefferson Airplane Volunteers album lyrics insert with a mock headline proclaiming "Hot Tuna! R. Nixon Misplaced. For details see sports section." The band's fans often refer to them loudly as "Hot Fucking Tuna." Even Airplane lead vocalist Grace Slick, who joined the two on stage for their performance of "Third Week in the Chelsea" during the Airplane's 1989 reunion tour, introduced the pair with the middle expletive.
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