Mom called on my birthday and I thanked her for bringing me into the world. She said it was her greatest achievement. I said, "Wow, just a couple pushes and you had your greatest achievement? That doesn't seem so bad. I feel that way about my poop sometimes. Especially when I have to work at it for a while or when it feels like it's coming out sideways. [Girlfriend] has to come in the bathroom sometimes to tell me to just breathe. I'm going to make sure it's in my obituary. 'Her greatest achievement was a particularly difficult bowel movement on April 3, 2032. She named him Ralph.'"
Friends, this is what happens when one is an only child and one's mother thinks she's just the funniest thing around. I'm sure we were both crying with laughter during that phone call. I'm sorry. You deserve better.
Day 13 of NaBloPoMo. Poop humor.