Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Red flags at night? Uh-oh. Woh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Just went over to read my friend Monica's blog and found she had linked to my earlier Red Flags one within hers. Alas, I have no clue how she did this, so please just use this old school hyperlink: to check hers out!

Anyhoo, she's talking about that fine line between paying attention to the red flags and being intolerant of prospective mates. She wonders if she isn't too quick to spot red flags, even when they're in their nascent pink stage. She goes on to say however that she's always regretted ignoring her gut and I know that's been the case for me as well. When I convince myself that I should give someone or something a chance and go against my instincts, I am always wrong. And yet, I still find myself having those inner arguments. When is it being true to yourself and when is it being intolerant or scared? I have to talk myself into nearly every aspect of my life, so why am I so wrong when it comes to romantic relationships?

All of this got me to thinking... I worry that I'll become, or have become, jaded about relationships. How many times have I "fallen in love"? How many times have I found myself in the same infatuation stage with different people, saying or doing the same things? As I've gotten older and been in more relationships, I've felt guilty for the new person -- guilty that I've said these things before or felt them before. Each time I swear it's different, and yet ultimately in retrospect it isn't. And as a result, now that I'm finally, finally paying attention, do I only see red flags? Am I so committed to protecting myself and taking care of myself that I'm incapable of letting someone in? And how many questions do I have to pose in writing before I'm a cheesy Carrie Bradshaw or Doogie Howser, MD knockoff?? ;)

As a gemini, I'm at opposite extremes on everything. So while I'm chewing on something cynical, I'm still daydreaming of my fairy tale future relationship. I worry that I'm jaded but then I find myself downright goofy over "Pushing Daisies." It's whimsical and silly and I can't get enough of it. And it's very much a love story -- between a boy-man who can raise people from the dead and his formerly dead girlfriend, whom he can never kiss or touch, lest she "get dead" once again. Talk about red flags! But dammit, if a dead girl can find true, healthy, committed love, then surely I can too, no?

And while we're at it, let's hope Monica does too. Shoot, let's throw the rest of you in there also. I know at least one of my readers deserves nothing less than a "pocketbook" full of love and happiness, at the very least because it, "Sounds like fun!" ;)

Until tomorrow...

No comments: